Understanding Money

I was telling the Lord Ayyappa story to my daughter.

In this story there was a King called Rajashekara and his Diwan. The Diwan was the second most powerful person in the country. But he somehow wanted to become the King. Since the King didnt have any children, the Diwan thought he would become King after Rajashekara. Meanwhile Rajashekara finds a baby in the jungle which happens to be lord Ayyapa in future. The Diwan and the king's wife plan to kill the child by sending him to the forest to bring Tiger milk. But Lord Ayyapa returns with Tiger milk. Diwan suffers for his mistakes but ultimately realizes his mistakes and gets forgiveness from Lord Ayyappa.My daughter liked the story and when I finished the story she asked me a doubt and I was taken by surprise.

" Ma. Since the Diwan is second to the King will he also have lot of money, bunglow, car etc?"

I told yes certainly he will also have.

So my daughter asked " Then he can live happily know. Why he has to bother who the King is? Let anyone be the King, He can live happily with all the money and bunglow and be in second rank itself know Ma"

For a moment I was confused on how to guide her. I was not sure whether I had to tell, always you should aim for the first position or whether I should tell, yes you should be satisfied with what money you have and live peacefully. But finally, I guided her tellling, she has to aim for the first position, but that should not affect anyone and the approach should not be negative. And in case of money, one should be content with what ever one has and should not be greedy..

Hope I was right :)

Getting Angry

When ever my baby starts to cry, it is usually because of her sister. And I invariably end up scolding her or beating her. My daughter also cries and gives some excuses. My baby has also been growing up and she has watched this scene everyday. It happened one day, that again when she started to cry, I scolded my first daughter. But I didnt know that my baby has grown smarter. It was in fact she, who had done the mistake, but just to escape had cried. This has been happening a couple of times.

One day my first daughter, asked a slapping question " Ma, Will Akshu never become bigger than me. Will she ever get scoldings or beatings for the mistakes she does, or will I only get scoldings always?"

I realized, how bad I have been in my judgement. How much I have wounded the young heart. How much I have been ignorant. How much I have made my bigger daughter suffer. After all she is not so old, just 3 years older than her sister. Afterall I am also in the learning phase of raising kids.

Extra Special

Be it a girl or a boy, kids tend to have the same liking, behavior and attitude when they are young. But when ever there is a conversation among the moms about raising kids, I have felt that the mom of boys tend to tell that they really slog a lot because of the naughtiness of the boys. They feel a sense of pride in telling that their boy breaks toys, he doesn’t sit in one place, he doesn’t like to do things like drawing, painting, he always jumps from here and there etc. Most of them quickly dismiss the moms of girls saying at least it is easy for you as the girls will listen to you, girls are generally soft etc.
I generally don’t have inclination in participating in such conversations. But why is this kind of contemplating done by people at tender age. What is it which is boyish or girlish? I still don’t get such things as why naughtiness should be associated with guys and softness should be associated with girls. May be these characteristic traits start showing when kids grow older. But within 5 years of age, I don’t think such kind of sweeping statements make any sense.

Daughter’s Birthday

Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday. She is all existed about the occasion. She wants to have a small kid’s party. I took two days off from my office to be with my kids as per their wish. She did the purchase of birthday dress, chocolates, return gifts, balloons, color papers, gift wrappers, then prizes for some small events that I would conduct etc. The birthday cake and the party snacks are to be got. I helped her with writing the party invitation and she set off to give it to her friends. She is beaming with happiness and it is a treat to see our kids being happy. I enjoy the bubliness of my daughter and she is like camphor in water, always upto something unexpected. Especially she has been preparing for this birthday almost from 3 months back.

As I let my thoughts go a few years back, I will always cherish this day, as this was the day, when I was also born afresh as a “MOTHER”. This was the day when I felt on top of the world and felt what it meant to be a mother. I will always thanks god for blessing me with a beautiful angel.

I remember me feeling uncomfortable, not knowing that it was in fact delivery pain a few years back from today. I told my mom that may be we check up once again from the doctor. My mom was hesitant, as I had told the same thing in the morning, we had gone to the hospital and the doctor had told me to come again after 2 days. But something told me we had to go back yet again. My father asked my mom to take me over, and told he would wait it the car. When I went into the labor room, my favorite doctor was on duty for the day. She checked me and told, I was in labor. She asked me to bring my spare dress etc, but I being a superstitious girl, never prepared anything and didn’t want to buy anything for the baby till she was in hand. It was late in the evening. I could see the tension in my father’s face. I was always a kid to him and he still treats me so. Then in the early hours of the day, I was with my angle in my hands, happiness in my face and a mixed bag of emotions at heart. So this day actually is a very important and a turning point in my life. This is the day when I was given lots of responsibility by the lord, this is the day which has changed the very meaning of my life and this is the day which has brought in a new dimension to my life.

Though years have rolled by, this day will still remain fresh in my heart. What ever party and celebrations happen around me, what ever cake cutting may happen, what ever goodies may be served, what ever dance may happen, my heart will sincerely keep thanking god for making me mother on this big day of my life.

Below Expectations Rating

This is the first time that my daughter is writing exams in her life. It was her school quarterly exam. Tamil was her first exam. She is particularly good in Tamil. She writes the words so beautifully without making mistakes with the “Las” and “Nas”. She went for the exam. In the evening when we enquired about the exam, we came to know that she was struck in the very first question. She had to write “Ah” to “Ag”. But she forgot “E”. So she spent the whole of next 2 hours thinking about “E” and didn’t write anything and came back home.

When I heard this, I was really disappointed as she is actually very good in Tamil. In-fact her teacher had taken her to the principal only the previous week, for appreciating her good work in Tamil. I told her about the repercussions very mildly. I didn’t scold her or belittle her. I took it very lightly.

She went to write the next exam after 2 days of holiday. She came back home and told me that she wrote two exams. She had gone and asked for the Tamil paper to her class teacher and got the paper and written both the exams within the same 2 hour time period.
I was really surprised and thought may be the teacher had given the paper seeing her blank sheet.

The next day, when I was at office, I got a call from the teacher appreciating my daughter not only for writing her exams well, but also for her courage. The teacher in fact told me that I should have come and asked about the re-exam. She was even more surprised and in-fact sarcastic about my concern for the kids, when she came to know that in fact neither me nor my hubby had even thought about asking for re-exam etc and that it was only my daughter on her own, who had asked for the paper to write up the left-over things. I felt that I got below expectations rating for my role as a mother from the teacher.
I, for the first time really felt ashamed for not performing my mother role well but really feeling very proud for having a great daughter.

No support from Hubby

Hubby has aspirations sky high. Works late night. Doesn’t know what is happening at home. Comes home and rings the bell. Poor me has to get up amidst my sleep to feed him. By the time he finishes the food, he is into the couch changing channels. I am left with cleaning and wiping the tables.

Mornings, he sleeps late, his excuse is he worked late, but I was also disturbed from my sleep, after which I had to struggle to get my sleep back. But I have to get up early, cook food, do the routine work and get back t work.

One day, if I sleep, kids start shouting for milk, people tell as a mom how can I sleep when kids are hungry. Are u a mom etc? Is this fair???

Leave the shoes at office

I have been having bad times at office due to which, I am upset. The official problems have engulfed me so much, that I am unable to take care of my kids. I was into deep thoughts and yesterday I came to office in a very sober and bad mood without saying bye-bye to my sweet daughter. Usually it is a jolly ride for her to office. I enjoy driving the car with my angle besides me and she drops me at office and my father takes the car back. But on the given day, I came to office without even saying bye-bye to my daughter. I didn’t realize the whole thing also as I was deeply engrossed in different thoughts.

I again went back home, in the same depressed mood. I was welcomed by my sweet daughter at the door. With her sweet voice she told,” Hai Amma. Why didn’t you say bye –bye to me in the morning, when you went to office?”

I was taken aback and quickly realized my mistake of carrying my official problems to the house and disturbing my kids. At barely 2 and ½ years how deeply she must have thought the whole day about my behavior.

After all it is for her that I am coming to office, earning money and taking all the pains in life. And after all this, if I am not able to keep her happy, then all my good work is of no use. I clearly learnt today, that carrying back office issues to home doesn’t help anybody. As a mom, I should be even more responsible and keep the home happy and lively. Give the kids a very healthy atmosphere to live. It is my responsibility to keep my angles happy, and that is the reason god has given these angels to me.

So from today, I know that I should leave the office shoes outside when I am at home.

Emotional at Job

Being a mother of two kids and having old parents to support and on top of that having a workaholic husband who doesn’t care about the family and still continuing work and making the career flag fly high, has been a strenuous job for me and I really thank all the people who have supported me for so long in shaping up my career.

Right from my Campus, I have been into this mega institution and I have been bonded to this institution for more than 8 years. In the due course, I have cultivated an emotional attachment with the Company. I feel it as my family. All my work-spot colleagues are, be it the senior level or the junior level have been very supportive and have contributed to my career development.

So I have been tied down with emotions and have not dreamt of ever changing my workplace. Am I being stupid or intelligent? Is emotional bonding with a job good or bad? Debatable topic. But this is what is I am.

Song Impact

There is this famous song - " Daddy Mummy Vitil Illai, Thadhai Poda arum illai"
It says that if mommy and daddy are not at home, then no one will impose any restrictions and so life will be joyful. My daughter who is very small, has never been left alone. Either I am there or her grand parents are there. She wonders how life would be if for some time she gets to stay in the house alone. Such wiered toughts come to children because they enjoy the music and song so much and start seeing themselves in the place of hero and heroines. So its not good for kids to watch movies and especially songs..

Serial Impact

The TV Soaps does cause a deep impact on kids. In a recent serial, there were scenes which showed that a girl takes away jewels, cash, bank ATM cards etc and elopes with her boyfriend. The parents talk among each other and become shocked when they see that things are missing from their house.

The girl on the other hand tells her boyfriend that these things are anyway yearmarked for her by her parents.

So the best part is when I was questioned by my 6 year old daughter about the whole thing in a different angle. She asked me whether it was arong to take away things from our house without telling parents. She was like confidently asking what was worng in taking things that belonged to the girl without telling the parents. She was telling that afterall the things are given by her parents to her, why then the girl cannot take it away as she wishes.

The situation was very tough to handle, but I did tell her that it is ofcourse worng to take away anybody's things without telling the owner, be it father, mother, or brother. Never take anybody's things without asking their permission.

But the other lesson I learnt is not to watch too much serial with kids :)

Planning and Execution - Are women better??

Women are naturally good at planning and execution. It has become a necessity for women to perfect the art of planning and execution. She is not only responsible for her work at office but is also responsible for running the home. A women at work plans not only for her day's work at office but also for her day's work at home. Hence has to balance the double sword. Every women plans her office work in such a way that she can complete her home work also perfectly for the day. This hurdle is not to be crossed by men. Men ofcourse have hurdles to cross at home, but their tasks are not so burning that they need to be completed daily. Most of them can wait for the week ends. But women's tasks related to daily cooking, washing, teaching kids, cleaning etc cannot wait for week-end. Hence if not properly planned, will come back hard on themselves.
So mostly women tend to plan their day properly in office. Men on the other hand can take lightly and can contribute the whole day in office also if required. Hence they need not be so conscious on planning.
May be I am wrong, but this is based on my perception ( Me and my husband)

Thought Provoking

In this post I would list down all the thought provoking questions that my angels posted to me which left me in a state of confused happiness as I had failed to think through the process in which my children had succeeded. So I was grabbing for words to handle the tough situation.

1. Anjamma’s knickers where bit lose for her. So I just tucked her knickers into her panties itself, so that it would stay in her hips. I just did it in the last minute as it was getting late for her school too and it was with no particular meaning. My hubby suggested me to put a safety pin instead. I also for a moment thought it was a good idea. We were interrupted by Anjamma, who told “But if you put a safety pin, won’t it be difficult to go to bathroom??”
   

I was taken aback and thought by darlings were growing up indeed...

Anjamma’s Dictionary

During the early days of the child, the parents also enjoy life by hearing to the unique words that the new learners speak. This is a beautiful period where in what ever the child speaks just makes us so happy. As the days pass, the child starts speaking the actual routine language and we also tend to forget the beautiful sweet little early words of our child. So I just wanted to make short notes on the beautiful language that my angels spoke when they were young

1) Binggy Bicks – Finger Chips

2) Binner – Winner

3) Na enna Cholliken – Nan enna soliruken

4) Pechamateya – Pesamatiya

5)thapudu - sapadu

6) mahuu kuppae thapudthu thee - maddu kuppae sapadudhu cheee

7) Unichom - Uniform

8) Chii - Seri

9)Chor,Chie - Four,Five

Do not bring a profession to set standards

It is very common to hear a child say “I will become a teacher, doctor, engineer etc when I grow up”. It is also very common, for parents to aspire for the child to become a doctor, or an engineer. Instead of setting these professions as example for a child to follow, it is good that we set the essential qualities required for success as a standard for the child to follow.

The child should be talk perseverance, honesty, sincerity, dedication, sense of ownership and braveness to face any difficult situation. These are the essential qualities which will bring out the best in any child and will make the child in what ever profession in lands up in. The choice of the profession should be left with the child to decide so that it picks up what interests it the best.

It is genius material which needs to be built in the child to enable it to excel in any profession. Instead today’s parents focus on bringing their interest into the child’s minds, pollute it by defining a particular profession as a role model and fail to teach the basic genius material that is required for it to become the number one in a profession of its choice.

So parents why don’t we start focusing on building the basics, rather than building the add-ons.

Independence and Love – Are they connected.

Everyone talks about self-space and independence today. Even a pre-schooler wants independence. Gone are the days when mom carries the child, shows the moon, and tells stories for hours to make the child eat her dinner. The child also doesn’t relish this any more. The child would rather like to have the dinner by herself.

Gone are the days when the whole family waits anxiously for the father to return from work without having their dinner. Today every one has a schedule which is independent of each other. Seldom is a child worried on whether the parents have had their dinner or not. Father comes late; child has to go early the next day. Conflicting life patterns, conflicting interests lead to more and more independent way of living of the family members.

The husbands are not as dependent on the wives for their daily chores – be it food, mid time coffee’s, washing clothes, ironing clothes etc etc. Similarly the wives are not as dependent on the husbands for their daily chores – commuting (every lady rides a vehicle these days), money (many are self-employed), shopping etc. So both the husband and the wife are able to live their lives independently. Though this independence is a welcome sign for the changing scenarios, I feel that this does bring a bit of gap between the two. There definitely is % fall in the love quotient. The husband or the wife doesn’t seem to be deeply perturbed by the absence of one another. Now in fact people manage staying alone in different locations and meet over the week ends alone. Though this is required in today’s competitive world, this does affect the mutual love and affection.

The same holds good between the parents and the children. As the independence increases, the love quotient decreases. How strange!!!!!